Children of Alcoholics free essay sample

This paper aims toward the children that have been neglected and abused by an alcoholic. Identification of these children is difficult for several reasons, the child being embarrassed, being ignorant to the fact alcoholism is a disease, denial, and simply not wanting anyone to know about it. Whether it is the mother or father there is no question that there are large numbers of children that have been severely affected by living in an alcoholic’s home. During the last decade there has been more and more research done on alcohol in society.Historically the number one most abused drug is alcohol. The most popular interest has been with alcoholism, alcohol abuse and alcoholics. Less attention has been given to the family and more specifically to the children living in an alcoholic’s home. The devastating damage that alcohol can do is fatal. Alcohol effects each family member even if the alcoholic himself ultimately reforms himself, the family that was so greatly affected may never recover from the problems inflicted upon him or her. We will write a custom essay sample on Children of Alcoholics or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page According to Stanley Coppersmith and Morris Rosenberg (Authors of Children of Alcoholics 2007, cc) the effects are irreversible and sometimes the child never recovers to live a happy and healthy life. The chemicals within affect the alcoholic’s behavior, the non-alcoholic parent’s behavior is affected by reactions to the alcoholic and little or no emotion remains for the many needs of the children who fall victims to this family illness. I myself am a survivor of living in an alcohol environment. I have to say that everyday was a challenge for not only me but for my siblings as well. We are always asking ourselves this one question: What is wrong with us? Well I can say that we as children seen such frightening things my father did to our mother it was unheard of talking about it to anyone. Living with my father there were so many up and down days it was hard to establish any kind of routine. One minute would be fine and the next would be chaos to the extent of running to my grandmothers’ house or calling the police. I often found myself trying to avoid being around my father because I felt anything me or my siblings did would trigger a very violent dad to this day I’m still very much afraid of.I am the oldest of four and feel as though I was responsible for the safety of my siblings to this day. The feeling of insecurity and fearfulness has lead to a lot of self-doubt and guilt knowing I really could not do anything as a child. I have set to this day and watched my mother make excuses for my dad that has brought on hate and emptiness feelings that is never going to go away. Unfortunately my brothers have fell victims to this disease and it is hard watching them throw there lives away as my father has done with his life.As an adult, I have divorced myself from this situation but there is always lack of satisfaction and stability in my life and I have finally concluded that life is hard enough and that you cannot please everyone. Sometimes you need to live in the present and not in the past. I still need some closure, but how to get it I do not know. I still bury my feelings and the hard to trust attitude but with the proper education and counseling, it gets easier everyday. I cannot imagine the thousands of other children out there today living with this burden of an alcoholic family member being directly in there childhood.I know one day that I will be able to help a few of these kids and probably answer some of the same questions for them that I have asked myself for so many years. Why me? What have I done now? Why does he hate me? Even as an adult many things from my childhood contributes to asking myself what is normal? My parents did not provide us with any structure or consistency; we grew up physically but not emotionally or psychologically, I am still stuck back in my early childhood. I never learned a normal way of thinking, feeling or reacting.Doing this paper has really helped me as far as understanding the effects of how alcohol and how hard it was growing up in a terrible environment can be. In addition, I could have written this paper without doing any research at all. Honestly, the feeling has been here the whole time to just quit, but I have not and I am not quitting. I am very angry with my parents for allowing this to happen to us. I do know my anger is real and is a natural emotion and I deal with it everyday. I have come to terms that my father will never change and will drink himself to death but that is something I cannot change and frankly am very tired of trying.I recently had to go and talk with the magistrate of the court to have my father committed, for not only his safety but also the safety of my mother. He tried putting gasoline in a kerosene heater one day he had been on a nine day binge had no idea what day it was, and frankly I don’t even know if he knew where he was, he was committed by the court for five days. He has been diagnosed as having alcohol dementia and still drinks. I feel as though I gave my father his lifeline and he did not grab on so where do I go now. Nowhere, now I wait for the call to say he has passed away and that makes me ery sad. I feel like I have gained an enormous amount of clarity in terms of my own life and have been able to move past and deal with most of these issues successfully. Some issues I am still working on, but the self-knowledge I have gained is very valuable. I am glad to know there are people working on these issues in today’s society helping children of this nature. I do not believe there is anything worse than feeling that your alone and no where to turn, but with the education and therapy I have experienced anything is possible.I hope more children come forward and get the help they so greatly deserve and not wait 20 or 30 years like most of us have done. I do not know when my parents began their war against each other, but I do know the only prisoners they took were â€Å"we† their children. (Pat Conroy cc, Prince of Tides) Now in my early 40’s I have children of my own, I worry about the alcoholism that runs in my family they know it’s a family disease and are also aware of the effects it has had on me as a child. I am very honest with my kids with this touchy subject. I want to feel as though I have broken the chain and not passed that burden on to another generation. I would have to say my biggest challenge as a parent was to establish a positive environment for my kids. I have always encouraged them to do what is going to make them happy and successful and I have to say I have done a good job with my children. The research I have done gives children of alcoholics a 75% chance of succeeding I find this number amazing for the simple fact that I have succeeded and raised four wonderful kids. This number comes from the (ACOA) Adult children of alcoholics the study of parenting.Unfortunately, there are many studies left incomplete because children do not come forward with this helpful information so there are limited numbers to be compared to. I believe further research is needed to confirm the risk statuses that alcohol abuse causes among children. Knowledge of the risk status of children as well as associations between family functioning and child adjustment would lead to more healthy and family oriented functions. If I had to give advice to a child to help him/her cope, with the situations at home I would say the best way to â€Å"move on† is to squarely face the past, its importance, and its meaning for you.Often this means understanding your parents and yourself, so that the healing process can begin. You can actively work to replace self-destructive behaviors with healthy behaviors. Recovery from codependency involves accepting your reality, becoming in tune with your thoughts and feelings, setting boundaries in your relationships, expressing your wants and needs, and establishing a sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-appreciation recognize what you can and cannot control.We may not have much control over our alcoholic family member, but we can control many things in our daily lives. One way I have gained a se nse of control is gather information about alcohol and its impact on the family. Unfortunately, sometimes having more information than you can handle increases stress and a positive or negative impact on you just take it on a daily basis. I have been in therapy for a long time now and am finally coming to terms with my father and everything he has done to me.I know he will never realize the damage he has caused to my siblings and me and will never face the consequences of his actions. I can honestly lay my head down at night and know that I am a good person and that I am survivor and not a victim. With me not being a victim means my father does not win and that I am the true winner for not letting this nightmare ruin my life as an adult. Alcohol is a key factor in 68% of manslaughters, 62% of assaults, 54% of murders and attempted murders, 48% of robberies, and 44% of burglaries.Studies of family violence frequently document high rates of alcohol and other drug involvement. COA’s (Children of Alcoholics) may be more likely to be the targets of physical abuse and to witness family violence, compared with non-alcoholic families. Alcoholic families demonstrate poorer problem-solving abilities, both among the parents and within the family as a whole. These poor communication and problem-solving skills may be mechanisms through which lack of cohesion and increased conflict develop and escalate in alcoholic families.Addicted parents are raising a significant number of children in this country. With more than one million children confirmed each year as victims of child abuse and neglect by state child protective service agencies, state welfare records have indicated that substance abuse is one of the top problems exhibited by families in 81% of the reported cases. These numbers are just a few as to how many children are being exposed and the impact alcohol can have on a person and maybe one day there can be one person that can change a child’s l ife.. Together we can as adults get past the shame, confusion, embarrassment and anger as well as the multitude of other emotions that for so many years kept us from accepting ourselves or allowing others to get close to us. Here is a poem that I found doing research and it is very heart wrenching: Broken Broken promises, shattered dreams lying alone in the dark of night trying to hide the silent screams hoping for joy in the morning light a broken heart that can bare? Living in denial and constant fright Hope any longer do you even dare?Trying to make everything right you struggled to give your all there is no more to give now hiding behind a self-made wall knowing you must forgive Hands folded in silent prayer. Knowing you have to go on not even sure you really care Waiting for a new day to dawn. (Carolyn Coy) This poem describes many of the horrors that I experienced as a child and I wanted to share it with everyone that may not be aware that alcohol is a serious problem and there are a dults out there that have experienced the same thing as I have. I know now that I am not alone.